Friday, 18 September 2009

How To Get Over An Ex - When Your Heart Is Broken

Having your heart broken is a painful experience. Few things are more painful.

Men and women alike experience pain associated with breaking up. Sometimes you are the one who called it off and other times your ex did, but in either case, there is pain on both sides. Sometimes the break up happened for good reasons while other times it seemed to go up in a puff of smoke for no reason at all. These can be the most painful of all.

If you don’t go about getting over the break up though, there can be some serious long term, even psychological, consequences. Don’t fall into the trap of lingering over a lost love. And, don’t make matters worse by starting to write a “victim story” that makes you the protagonist in a tale of love gone bad.

You should realize that if you don’t get over your ex, it will be toxic to any future relationship you might have.

Realize that you can’t run away from it, medicate it, or suppress it. You have to face the pain head on and deal with it.

There’s no way out of a broken heart… only a way through. Accept that there is going to be pain. Take some time to reflect on the situation, and try to come to terms with the hurt. Consider writing a journal about it, or get counselling, or pour your heart. Realize there are no quick solutions to getting over break up.

You need to examine whether there is anything in your past that would have lead to this break up. Take note of all troubling aspects because they will help you foster healthier relationships in the future.

Don’t be the victim of the relationship either. Take responsibility for your actions. While your ex may have been the one who was at “fault”, the truth is that the underlying circumstances were caused by both of you.

By not behaving as the “victim”, and better still … by not playing the ‘blame game’, you become a healthier, more attractive partner for a future boyfriend or girlfriend. You’ll begin to see that your initial hurt was composed of beliefs, attitudes and thoughts that colour your perceptions about everything. It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy.

When you handle your broken heart badly, you perpetuate your pain. You’ll never go about getting over break up. But, when you handle your emotions with the ultimate goal of letting them go, you enable healing.

Getting over a broken heart takes work. It also takes time. Don’t underestimate the factors which go into curing your heartbreak.

You’ve just lost a person who was extremely important to your life. But, use this time for growth and you will become a stronger person and have better relationships in the future. That is how you really go about getting over break up.

Wednesday, 2 September 2009

How To Get Over An Ex

This blog explores how to get over an ex – someone you may in fact still love.

From the outset you have to realize that getting over someone you love is difficult. No matter how prepared or ready you may think you are to move on and get over that person will be a painful process. Sometimes it’s a slow process, too.

You may think you’re over someone and a year or two later be reminded of that person and feel all the pain and sadness again. That doesn’t mean you’re not over the person, though. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.

If you’ve had a lot emotionally invested into a relationship and it ends, it’s something that can potentially make you feel sad for years. Maybe even for the rest of your life. But that doesn’t mean the sadness has to be paralyzing or has to throw you into a depression. By getting over the person, you can realize that losing them made you sad, and look back on it as you would any sad loss. It’s the period of time soon after the loss that should be the hardest, that makes you ask how to get over someone you love.

If the break-up is recent, often the only way to deal with it is just to face the pain and ride it out. It’s going to hurt, no matter what you do. But there are some things you can do to lessen the pain. You can remove obvious visual reminders of the person, if possible. Photographs of them can be put away for a while. Gifts they gave you can be stored instead of displayed. You can even avoid the places you used to go together for a while.

If you’re having trouble living a normal life after the break-up, it may be necessary to seek counselling. Explain to the counsellor that you’ve just been through a painful break-up and ask the counsellor for advice on how to get over someone you love. They can offer helpful advice, and can be specific about how to get over someone you love.

It’s advisable to use the services of a professional counsellor, rather than the opinions of friends and family. Your friends and family may feel they know your situation too well. Some may have motives for help you get over the person. They may not have liked that you were in the relationship to begin with, so they may want you to get over things or move on to another person too quickly. With a counsellor, though, you can safely tell them things about the relationship you probably don’t want friends or family to even know.

Feel free to go to counselling for as long as you need to. If the counsellor feels you’re spending too much time dwelling on how to get over someone you love, they’ll tell you.